What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
