Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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