Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
