the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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