I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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