literally had 100 drinks last night.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
