i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I did not marry a roomba.
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