I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
