you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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