my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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