did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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