I think my vagina is haunted
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
