I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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