so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
