I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
