yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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