He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
