were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
