i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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