i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
