i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
