Got a toothbrush?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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