I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
