The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
