return my video game
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
