We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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