My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
