oh god the rape fog is back!
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
