My sheets look like a crime scene.
farters have to be the big spoon...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
