well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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