I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
