So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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