You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Last time i carry you out of a forest
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
