i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
