wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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