I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
pop tarts are not kleenex
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
