1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
