Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
