i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
