Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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