I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
