Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
All the doctor said was why
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
