thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
