She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
