Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
