she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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