Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
