Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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