My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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