hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
