Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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