he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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