dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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