You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
