Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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